:: entrospeck ::

搬家了！

2006-04-13T22:44:00.000+08:00

i'm moving to http://aforalex.blogsome.com for various reasons... one being the availability of categories! like wow.

but yeah visit me there and i promise to write more regularly. :p

Colbar

2006-04-10T11:04:00.000+08:00

Based on chubbyhubby's entry about the place, we drove to Colbar at Whitchurch Road, near Temasek Club for dinner last night.. I've been looking forward to going, because it sounds like a place quite removed from the norm in Singapore.

Colbar is a cafe, and has been serving local and Western food for about 58 years. It's an open air cafe situated in an area with lots of greenery and mature trees, when customers can kick back with a beer or two, bring their dogs and just take a breather. It's distinctly different from other eateries in Singapore, because it is just so unreplicatable. Nowhere else would you find a cafe that can offer the same unique ambience, because it's a place that invites you to slow down and unwind.

Colbar offers a wide array of grilled meats like pork chops and chicken cutlets, as well as omelettes and local food. Wen ordered the big mixed grill... which had a large serving of steak, lamb chop, liver, kidney, bacon and sausage, along with sides of potato wedges and mushrooms. I had the pork chop, but I rather prefer cafe divine's. His sister was with us and so we tucked into 2 servings of fried bananas with honey, which was rather like a western take on goreng pisang. The honey coated batter was crisp on the outside, offering some bite before your teeth sinks into the soft banana. Mmmmm.

The highlight of the night (besides the wonderful company) had to be the tyre swing that hangs from one of the trees surrounding Colbar. The tyre is connected to a long rope, a few stories above the ground, giving the swing nice, long oscillations... I eyed the swing as I went into Colbar, and I'm so glad that I jumped on... I want to be an adult who takes pleasure in simple things like a swing ride...

Didn't bring a camera so my descriptions will have to suffice, I'll definitely be going back, if not for the food, then surely for the swing.

Fill that space in your wardrobe..

2006-04-06T11:51:00.000+08:00

Haha... just found this great website that has really interesting t-shirt designs and they ship to singapore! you can even submit your own designs and win USD1500... check it out here

Thanks

2006-03-08T22:09:00.000+08:00

I just need to exclaim my thanks, my praise to God, because He loves me so well...

I have to complete an internship in order to graduate, and this is the last holidays that I can use to complete it... Essentially, what I wanted from my internship was a job in a bank, to find out what it's like in a financial institution. Of course, it would be nice if it was an established company, and that it paid on the high average side for an intern and if there were good job prospects.

The complication was that I also signed up for the Sino-Singapore Exchange, which is a free 2 week exchange to China in mid May... Most internships listed on the school website started in April and from what I heard, few companies would be willing to let you take 2 weeks off to do your own thing. Some friends even advised me to drop the Sino thing...

So I was in a dilemma about whether to drop the exchange, whether I was willing to source for an internship by myself... but I talked to Auntie Em and she told me to pray and trust God... That even though I may not have been very forward thinking in signing up for the exchange, that He would make good the situation and provide an internship for me somehow...

So I prayed and really clung on to a verse Ps9:10 "...You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek You." I can't say that I entirely didn't worry but I tried to release the entire situation to Him and trust that somehow things would turn out alright.

And they did... I got called for an interview with a bank, and God blessed me with favour with the interviewer. She seemed to like me and by the end of our interview, she was making a verbal offer. And now that I think about it, everything that I wanted from my internship has been given to me. It's with a bank, they're paying alright, it will be a great opportunity to learn, it's structured, and this internship would enable me to skip to the last round of interviews for their Management Associate Programme next time.

So I really thank God... thank Him that He knows what I want even before I form the words in my mouth, that He makes everything turn out for the best.

let me say now...

2006-03-02T23:29:00.000+08:00

... that if i ever had a cafe, it would be called The Comfort Zone.

i chope already ah!

a flashback, or two

2006-02-08T00:17:00.000+08:00

Had recollections of two disparate but vivid memories today...

The first came to me as I was walking down the staircase to my estate... there was a secondary school couple at the bottom of the steps, sitting on the kerb, holding hands and talking... and the sight of them reminded me of myself in the rather distant past, sitting by the road on the kerb, in the rain, huddled under a big golf umbrella with only our feet visible to passers-by, talking for ages with a guy I was once crazy about. The only word I could come up with to describe that time was surreal. It was the first time in a long time that I've had a memory of him that I enjoyed, and it made me remember that while there were plenty of downs, there were ups to being with him too.

The second was of my cousin's pet chick, who was trampled to death by me accidentally when I was a kid, because I was wearing heavy slippers that were too big for my feet. I remember my cousins crying, their accusatory looks, my uncle yelling in my face, the tense dinner that we had after that... Subsequently, my cousin demanded that I pay her the $3 it took to buy the chick from the farm and I remember secretly passing the money to her the next time we met. How strange it was for me to think then that paying that money could somehow undo that mistake, could force a ctrl-z on the events that took place, and make that chick come back somehow. (Their other chick, Tomato, grew up to be a grand old cock, and was given to the Zoo when my cousins moved back to US. heh.)

Winter in Paris

2006-02-04T09:24:00.000+08:00

1. MontMarte, 2. jewel box, indeed, 3. macaroon from Pierre Herme, 4. leaf littered, 5. Sacre Coeur, 6. macaroons, 7. Musee D'Orsay, 8. fallen, 9. resplendent

some photos (of the 1000 plus i took) i uploaded onto flickr.

tee hee

2006-02-01T12:10:00.000+08:00

Wen Zheng helped his friend by agreeing to an interview about us for V Day... Take a look see

grow old with you.

2006-01-30T13:20:00.000+08:00

learnt something this chinese new year season... i don't have many relatives, so CNY is spent visiting my grandaunties and granduncles; basically my grandfather's brothers and sisters... and because I meet them only during CNY each year, i can really see the change in them as they age and grow old.

One pair of grand(aunties and uncles) are really aging, one has parkinson's and takes a while to form sentences, and the other is frail and forgetful... she couldn't remember whether or not she had already filled our cup with more soft drinks, and kept asking us maybe 4, 5 times throughout our visit... she couldn't remember who we were either... and i felt so sad for them, especially when you look at the older photos of them when they were active and mobile, photos with their grandchildren and the smiles on their faces... and you compare it to the people sitting in front of you. Just sitting there, I saw their loss... their loss of health, independence and dignity, only I felt it much less acutely than they must.

and I realise that before long, auntie em and the relatives around me will all reach that stage... even I will eventually reach that, if God is willing... what then should my response be? it's easy to empathise and feel compassionate when we visit because our visit is limited to an hour, but would my sympathy wane any if I lived with her day in, day out? I hope not... I really want to provide for auntie em when she grows old... and treat her with the respect that she deserves, not because she is able because her abilities will decline eventually, but respect that she deserves because she is my mother, and that status will never change.

People are people.

2006-01-28T18:57:00.000+08:00

The impending reality of work has dawned upon me... Just like how life is full of firsts - like first day in school, first kiss, first job - it's also full of lasts... like last summer holiday, last term in school... and the big unknown that is Working Life is looming ahead...

I'm trying not to worry and to trust in God... I know that He will provide me with a job that will be best for me. Not necessarily the "best" job but the job that is best for me. Key distinction...

What I don't like is that in going for career talks, you have to dress nicely, be sure you're giving a good impression... and really, the fact of the matter is that there is so much more to me as a person, and maybe even as an employee, than what you can discern from my appearances, my GPA, my interview. I don't like how one's measure of a person is boiled down to these cold evaluations... And as much as I don't like being evaluated, I can't help but evaluate sometimes too. Like checking out the "competition" when going for a career talk, that kind of thing. I guess my feelings about not liking being evaluated were a timely reminder from God that everyone is someone who He loves, who is important to Him... and that should be how I view people too... as people, and not just as employees or competition. People have intrinsic worth in God's eyes, regardless of how clever, pretty, competent they are, and while evaluations are functional, I should never forget that people are people.

dong dong dong qiang!!

2006-01-16T21:09:00.000+08:00

A sudden realisation dawned on me as I opened the tin of love letters...
I like Chinese New Year! :)

and I like almond cookies and pineapple tarts. especially pineapple tarts. in all forms that they come in. haha.

Uniquely Singaporean

2006-01-10T10:32:00.000+08:00

Only in Singapore will you see old grandmas on the bus sprint to an available seat, and hit it to relieve the previous occupant's butt heat before sitting down.

China

2006-01-04T22:00:00.000+08:00

Rather unexpectedly, for people who know me, I've set my heart on China as my choice for exchange. The process through which I arrived at my choice is a little strange, because I initially was cowed by the fact that classes are likely to be conducted in Mandarin, given my (lack of) mastery of the language. Now however, the thought doesn't scare me, and I'm game for the challenge and look forward to improving my Chinese. My resolve to go is strengthened with each person I tell, as if articulating my desire has helped me to push the doubts away.

I further sealed the deal by paying $40 for a guidebook. With money invested into the trip, I'd better go! But really, flipping through the pages has increased my interest in travelling around the country... to experience China's sights, sounds, smells (hee) and people. I've never really been the kind to jump at the chance to rough it out, but I think the trip will stretch me beyond my comfort zone in more ways than one. And travelling around independently to far flung regions should definitely make it an experience to remember.

Anyone game to visit? :)

pomegranates and photos!

2005-11-20T11:24:00.000+08:00

I was initiated into the world of pomegranates today. i read somewhere that you're supposed to get the seeds out of the fruit by taking a wooden spoon and whacking the outside until the seeds fall out... er. well, it worked, but boy was it unglam!!

I leave you with pomegranate photos and some old pics that i just dloaded into my computer, from when wenzheng and i were gallavanting around esplanade/city hall area for the singapore design festival.

pomegranate seeds! they taste like jambu and they're juicy!

heh heh, wenzheng after enjoying a peanut butter-cookie

yikes! they were big and they didn't smell so good. :(

it's a no.

2005-11-19T11:40:00.000+08:00

Cognitare is SMU's business case club.. and they are holding their annual case challenge which is in effect their recruitment/scouting process. I went for the briefing, and spent yesterday gravitating between saying yes and, well, saying no.

What I think the choice comes down to, is motivation. I don't want to go in with the motivation of enhancing my CV, or wanting to get a thumbs up from the people judging the challenge, because i don't want to end up placing my trust in a hefty CV or in other people's assessment of me. I want to trust God, that no matter where He leads me, be it to Case or not, that He will provide. And from what I gather, I think I'm not being led to Case, because of my commitments to Girl's Brigade.

When I first started helping out at GB, I was really glad that God was able to use me effectively, with the skills I have, the experiences I've been through and even, the things in Red Cross that I didn't like. I've ended up as the officer in charge of drill in GB, which is a familiar reprisal of a role I played not to long ago in SC. heh. and also, He used my experience with my dad, losing him and trusting God, to share with the girls as they shared about their own fathers. The feeling of God's pleasure when I'm serving Him with what I have, I guess is a small approximation of what life is really supposed to be about - living for God and serving Him with the entirety of our lives. And I don't want to drop this commitment just because an appealing offer of training and personal glory comes along.

I started today with a default "no" answer, with an option to switch to a "yes" if I felt God leading me that way.... Now, I know, what the answer is for sure.

P.S. Thanks Steve! for helping me think it through a little.

let loose and give a wiggle

2005-11-18T13:55:00.000+08:00

i've been listening to loops of The Fray's Over My Head... and I'd love to sing out loud and prance around but i'm in the library, so i've contented myself with letting my toes loose... they're doing a jig. watch them go! they can give Michael Flatley a run for his money.

i'm looking forward to tonight... it's the last day of classes in school today and there's a night time outdoor concert starry starry night with jazz bands... makes me happy to be in smu, that communal feeling, waving hi to ppl you know, and kicking back on the big steps. :)

because the internet is wild and wonderful

2005-11-16T20:53:00.000+08:00

I found more google entries about me!

1) "Waitress Alexandra Wee, 19, had similar views. She said: 'if I had a slight Fever, I'd just take a Panadol ... YES, lifestyles have changed in Singapore..." New Paper regarding SARS i think. Don't remember saying this.

2) A listing under UChicago Class of 2007. Haha. What could have been but thankfully wasn't.

Happy Birthday Sharon!! You're 21!

2005-11-08T01:12:00.000+08:00

click here for large size

click here for large size

hmm

2005-11-04T18:10:00.000+08:00

i think what is even freakier (and i'm not sure if you know this) but somewhere in silicon valley, at the google HQ, our names have passed on their projector screen that shows what people are searching for on google, flashed there for anyone who walked by at that moment...

googled!

2005-10-21T10:51:00.000+08:00

yes i'm bored but yeah, i googled my name and got 5 results.
1. School SESS page: Academic achievement
2. School Research Office page: Research paper to Cancun
3. Bryna's blog: My picture at Anna Sui makeover
4. Bryna's blog: with a demand to go eat dimsum
5. Council page: CCAL i/cs

Then i outdid myself and googled jia's name and got
1. Listing for Evidence TGs
2. Council page: IFG i/c

bryna
1. Biography of her at KR hall
2. Home tutor profile (haha!!)
3. Listing for Evidence TGs

sharon
1. UMel UG Study Group
2. click here and scroll to "sharon peh".. "I am very particular about animal abuse because I love animals." and " I would love to be a veterinarian because I love animals."
3. Bryna's blog: declaration of who is her chionging buddy
4. Sec 2/3 homepage

Mel
1. her Xanga site
2. She helped at some SingaporeEdge thing... what's that ah?

Shu
1. bar tender listing!

Jo with plenty of people linking to her blog..

Shu, you have just too many people whose names are like yours. :) but you're special still.

So you know..

2005-10-21T10:35:00.000+08:00

what causes menstrual cramps..

Each month the lining of the uterus (the endometrium) builds up in preparation for a possible pregnancy. If a pregnancy occurs, the fertilized egg attaches itself to the lining to be nourished as it develops into a baby. If the egg is not fertilized, the lining is not needed. It breaks down and hormones called prostaglandins are released. These trigger the muscles of the uterus to contract and squeeze the lining out. The muscles are the same ones that push a baby out during childbirth, so they are very strong. It is these muscle twistings that can, when severe and prolonged, contribute to menstrual discomfort by temporarily cutting off the blood supply to the uterus, depriving the muscle of oxygen and causing pain.

redefining beauty

2005-10-15T23:25:00.000+08:00

dove, in their newest ad campaign, has been raising the question on what does it mean to be beautiful... does being grey/flat/boyish preclude you from being gorgeous/fabulous/a babe. i had my doubts about whether these advertisements would effect any change... most guys are still going to desire the same skinny, long hair, busty girls they always have...

i must say, however, that the dove campaign has not been without effect... on me at least. i was looking at this lady standing in the mrt in the midst of the rush hour crowd, i was looking at her with admiration, because she looked nicely put together, well fitting clothes, slim, nice heels, great hair cut... and it's only on closer inspection that i realised that she was as flat as a runway... and that didn't change my assessment of her good looks at all.

i think these campaigns are great, because it's better late than never, that people embrace themselves and the way they look and stop conforming to beauty as society defines it. don't forget, that we constitute society too, and we don't have to settle for something we don't agree with.

now, if far east would just start making clothes in L sizes!

www.campaignforrealbeauty.com.sg

i know what you've been up to.

2005-10-12T22:49:00.000+08:00

Ai Lin and I were talking about this guy in ASMU, XR that just surpassed all expectations with this graphic emailer that he did for the corp...

ai lin --- i will bring a cane tmr... says:
i would vote XR for president
.sooshee. says:
of s'pore?
ai lin --- i will bring a cane tmr... says:
haha
ai lin --- i will bring a cane tmr... says:
pls lah
.sooshee. says:
why! i would
ai lin --- i will bring a cane tmr... says:
ok maybe in 10 years
.sooshee. says:
someone who makes such nice emailers should definitely be staying at the istana
ai lin --- i will bring a cane tmr... says:
hahaha
ai lin --- i will bring a cane tmr... says:
hmm maybe that's what nathan actually does
.sooshee. says:
haha!
ai lin --- i will bring a cane tmr... says:
when he's not attending school events

Haven't laughed so hard all day.

food is a definite distraction

2005-10-12T09:45:00.000+08:00

i intended to wake up at 6am to do work, but hit the snooze button 4892 times and finally work up at 8am, ate breakfast, read newspapers, surfed the net until 10.20am and haven't accomplished any work! but, i have found new interest in this site, chubby hubby. the food photography and reviews are nice, and it's given me an idea for some where nice to go for a meal some time soon.

also, i rather want to try carl's jr at marina square... their burgers sound good, especially their portobello mushroom 6 dollar burger. my only reservation is that that one burger wipes out your entire recommended daily intake of fat... that's a whopping (not a whopper) 64g of fat!!! i think haagen dazs or chips is around 13g only. like that i think can eat the burger then abstain from any other food for the whole day. better be worth it!!

and on a side note, i really need to get a new battery for my ixus to capture all my gastronomic exploits!!

feels quite nice to talk about floozy things, but won't take it to the extreme, scully get comments that all i say is about me me me me me me me. heh.

Do I Get a Nobel Prize?

2005-10-04T18:59:00.000+08:00

The Economics of Dating

In the dating scene, we face the classic economic dilemma. How to allocate limited resources of desirable guys to unlimited wants/demand for these guys.

Desirability of a guy is given by the function d(x₁, x₂, x₃, …, x_n, β) where x₁ to x_n are parameters and variables unique to the individual.

x₁ = no. of brain cells
x₂= average rating of looks by girl’s girlfriends
x₃ = personality
With each variable there on till x_n representing various criteria specified and unique to the female.

G₁ meets B₁. At this point of initial contact, none of the variables of the desirability function is known to G₁, for certain. G₁ calculates expected D, based on the first order principle, numero uno impression-o. She decides whether or not to PP (proceed and pursue) or RR (retreat and not regret), based on her threshold D value.

If exp D >= D’, PP
If exp D < D', RR

This complicated situation is further complicated by the fact that boys with low D may be aware that they are not D-sirable and may take steps to increase exp D by bribing girl’s friends, getting a flashy car, wearing spectacles… the list goes on. The situation of asymmetric information!

Besides this complication, if G₁ chooses to PP with B₁, she has officially (or unofficial) entered into BGR.

We now look at the situation where G₁ and B₁ have been in BGR for a substantial period of time, at which point, D of B₁ (D₁) is fully known to G₁. Recalling the D function, we see there is a variable β. This is the emotional attachment variable. The higher this variable, the higher the value of D will be.

Ignoring the effect of β, if B₂ comes along with D₂ desirability, and if D₂ > D’’, G₁ will switch from B₁ to B₂. However, considering the effect of β, D₁ is now greater than D₂.

Conclusion: Set D’ as high as possible, don’t commit to any guy because of the cost of switching and the threat of the β variable causing greater inertia to switch.

Happiness

2005-09-26T17:00:00.000+08:00

He had learned the rare secret that you must take happiness when you find it--that there is no use in marking the place and coming back to it at a more convenient season, because it will not be there then. And it is very easy to be happy if you know, as Old Man Shaw most thoroughly knew, how to find pleasure in little things.

Chronicles of Avonlea - L.M. Montgomery

I think I don't want a job that pays a shitload of money but gives me no time to enjoy it, to spend time with my VIPs or to serve in church. Like the quote above says, "there is no use in marking the place and coming back to it at a more convenient season, because it will not be there then." Some things in life, you can't hold off and come back to it later, like relationships, family. They're all ongoing priorities and require your attention and involvement, whether you're starting out your career, working your way up or enjoying your time at the pinnacle of success. Don't want to be materially rich, but emotionally and spiritually poor.

it's a startling realisation..

2005-09-20T17:50:00.000+08:00

..that almost everyone I know will be working in 5 years time, and I'll be starting in 2.

What's even more startling is that I've no relevant work experience to speak of, unless I intend to pursue the Japanese food business. (ha) All I know for sure that I can do is study and memorise things fairly well. Trusting God that somehow everything will fall into place. :)

Stylo Mylo

2005-09-19T09:52:00.000+08:00

You know there's something wrong when 4 girls are wearing similar pairs of birkenstocks within a 2 metre radius around you. Read something in the newspaper not too long ago, that women in Singapore aren't as fashionable/stylish as their Hong Kong counterparts because they don't dare to experiment and wear things that make them look good but are different from what everyone is raving about for the moment. And I think to a certain extent, it's true! Everywhere you look in school, girls look like carbon copies of each other... the same single band birks, weaved metallic belts, chunky necklaces, those flouncy skirts that hug the bum and look like a zhao geng incident waiting to happen. It’s funny how these trends just catch on… and everybody has the same definition of what it is to look nice (and not nice).

BossaNova Sampler - So Nice

2005-09-01T21:48:00.000+08:00

Someone to hold me tight
That would be very nice
Someone to love me right
That would be very nice
Someone to understand
Each little dream in me
Someone to take my hand
To be a team with me

So nice, life would be so nice
If one day I'd find
Someone who would take my hand
And samba through life with me

Someone to cling to me
Stay with me right or wrong
Someone to sing to me
Some little samba song
Someone to take my heart
And give his heart to me
Someone who's ready to
Give love a start with me

Oh yes, that would be so nice
I could see you and me, that would be nice

the sedative of time alone, doing things you want to

2005-09-01T17:37:00.000+08:00

it's been a lovely day, that feels like the feeling you get when you look at that photo... not because of anything in particular, everything just went nicely today... had an interesting class about deposit markets, met 3 of my favourite people for lunch, spent some time walking around by myself buying things, enjoyed the melancholic breezy weather, chilled to some mood and some bossa nova music... hope everyone has had a great day too. :)

Tian Tian Chicken Rice at Maxwell Road

2005-08-29T13:19:00.000+08:00

look and drool. mmmmmmmmmmmm...

Benefit of the Doubt

2005-08-25T00:04:00.000+08:00

Over conversation with some friends today, I realise that there is plenty about people that you just never really know, unless they choose to let you in and share. Many people don't know about my parents, not because I keep it a secret, but it just is awkward to bring it up sometimes. Similarly, other people experience many things, or may be in unpleasant circumstances that you know nothing about... and sometimes these circumstances explain why people act the way they do.

Seeing that there are gaps in our knowledge of a person and of their situation, other people deserve the benefit of the doubt when they do something a little strange. It's hard to look beyond what is apparent about a person, but I'd like a little bit more understanding from the people around me before they judge me for the way I am. I tend to look at myself in the best possible light and evaluate others in less flattering perspective, probably because I understand my "background info" and situation best. But more importantly, I think it's important to see people the way God sees them... as His creation, fearfully and wonderfully made, precious in His sight, and loved by Him. When you think to yourself that everyone you interact with, even the people you dislike, are loved by God, it makes it a little harder to dislike them. If God can find something to love, I guess we can too.

put a smile on your face, make the world a better place

2005-08-24T18:13:00.000+08:00

One of the resolutions I have made for myself this term is to be more friendly! I think often I don't smile or acknowledge people I vaguely know because I don't want to be caught in that horrible and malu-ating situation where the person says nothing but gives you a look that says everything - everything being, "who the heck are you, you freak?!"

Yes, so at the risk of being looked at like some weirdo, because I'm totally not a weirdo, I choose not to take the first step and say hi first. BUT! I realise that most people fear setting themselves up for embarassment and actually can recognise you, so why not make the world a friendlier place, get to know more people and acquire thicker skin by taking initiative!

I have tried to implement this friendliness during the first 2 days of school to pleasant results! I struck up a mini-conversation with a girl in the second hand book store queue, where we bitched about this freshie who just happily cut the queue.. #@(*&($&. And I also got to know 3 new people from my econs class just by sitting around them and talking while scavenging the remains of catered food from a lecture that just ended. :) So yeah, seems to be going well. Onward Alex, to more smiles and more friends! Haha.

Growing Up, NOT Growing Old

2005-08-16T11:46:00.000+08:00

It’s funny how life can be rather thematic at times, where situations or thoughts with a constant refrain pop up recurrently, as if someone out there is trying to drill a message into your head.

The theme for this weekend revolved around growing up. I attended a Girl's Brigade camp, along with other females my age, but also, with ladies in their 40s and 50s. It struck me as I was engaged in conversation with some of these ladies, that under any other circumstances, I would probably have referred to them as "aunties", but here I was, speaking with them on a first name basis. It's strange because more than the physical act of turning 21, it's having adults treat you as an adult that makes the feeling of coming of age truly sink in.

I think it's well and good (and necessary!) to become more mature with age, to grow up, but there is a fine but clear distinction between letting yourself grow old. I had to catch myself (and eat my words) when the GB camp moved into the fun songs session. GB serves both primary and secondary schools, but both ministries engage in times of singing songs like "Little Peter Rabbit has a Fly upon his Nose" complete with actions. As I was following with the actions, making rabbit ears, sticking out my tongue, I couldn't help but think "I'm too old for this!"

I had just leaned over to my friend and told her that I thought these songs were childish, when the leader of the session pulled me up to be the baby elephant for the song "One Elephant" (instructions here). So there I was trying my best to mimic the mama elephant and dance along, with a heel and a toe, and a heel and a toe, but I couldn't really see cos my trunk was in the way. It's not everyday that you get to say that your trunk was in the way, so it was definitely a moment to savour.

But anyway, after all that dancing around, I thought about my initial cynicism and recalled that after watching "Finding Neverland" I said that it's a very sad thing to say that you're too old for something. I guess when I said that singing those songs was childish, I was looking at how malu it was to enjoy something like that, instead of seeing that song for what it was worth - a fun song meant to draw a few laughs, but not meant to be taken seriously. And how to assess these things very much depends on the context in which they occur, and in this context, the most mature thing to have done was to be sporting, game and big enough to go all out and dance.

Conversations are also leaning towards serious matters like stocks, investments, careers... all very grown up and dignified but I want to still be able to talk about smothering breasts, getting drunk on life, cup sizes, the distance from heathrow to LSE (or is it the distance from Singapore to Penang? ah, whichever is further.), the definitive word for tuscany perfume being "OOH!", that sort of lighthearted, nonsensical things! I guess it all depends on who you're with, so as much as I hope to grow up and not old, I wish the same thing for my friends. May there be plenty of laughs and sparkling conversations to come.

poignant

2005-08-05T14:33:00.000+08:00

weary singers deliver
melancholic melodies
meet with applause
by rapt audience
among them friends
who laugh, drink, eat

and in the midst of all that
the two of them sit
side by side
savouring these last moments
saving tonight

Losing Sleep

2005-07-27T09:09:00.000+08:00

It’s been quite difficult with Wenzheng in school. One part of the difficulty arises from not having enough time with him, but I think that that’s just something I need to learn to deal with and get used to. It’ll probably get better when I start school myself. The more pressing and disturbing thing for me is knowing/not knowing what he’s doing with his time. Being in hall leaves this 24 hour span of time that is filled with activity and yet, which I know hardly anything about. And what I do know, doesn’t help to relieve the concern.

Why does it seem that everything in hall is set up for romance to blossom between hall people? Sharing half a gummy bear, taking off your shirt to flex for forfeit, propping up the apple for the girl to eat, posing like a couple for pageant when you’re not competing as a couple? It’s just harder, because you worry about competition from random girls, and you also worry about the comprising situations that he may land himself in, and how he will respond. Perhaps I don’t trust him enough, but, when the situation seems to be set up for something to happen, how do you not worry?

At the same time I realise that I shouldn’t worry, but put my trust in God, that He makes all things work for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28) and He know who’s best for me, if anyone at all. I shouldn’t just put my trust in Wenzheng, because people can disappoint you, but God won’t disappoint you. I’m going to hold that verse close to my heart and do my best not to worry anymore. Feeling better already.

loveliest word of the day

2005-07-23T13:42:00.000+08:00

frisson: A moment of intense excitement.

A Truly Lovely Weekend

2005-07-18T18:33:00.000+08:00

it's been a fantastic weekend - one where i'm overwhelmed by God's love, and so thankful that He's patient enough to call me back to Him.

I was just talking to Auntie Em about a birthday party that she attended a few days ago, for a friend that she knew in JC. She talked about how some of the women are really successful, by worldly standards, but they remember that at the end of the day, at the end of their life, that these successes are all left behind, and what remains, what is important is their walk with God and what they have accomplished for His Kingdom.

At cell group, I asked my dear sis in Christ, Jingwen, to pray for me, that I will be able to love people who aren't easy to love. I was saying that we show God that we love Him by loving other people. 1 John 4:7-21, but in particular, verses 20 and 21"If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother."

I was so touched when Sunday's sermon spoke exactly of the content of my conversations. The message was about building to last; devoting our lives to things that have eternal value. I felt that God was speaking to me, and created a prelude to the sermon, just so that I wouldn't miss what He was saying. This awareness that only 2 things last forever (God and people's souls) was very keen to me some time ago, and I'm glad that this weekend served as a timely reminder that I should focus on things that are of utmost importance. It also spoke clearly to me, because I had been praying in my devotion time about my occasional envy and stress about getting a good job next time, and also the regret that I sometimes experience about not going overseas, especially when people who study abroad seem to have such an easy time getting internships. God spoke to me and reminded me that these successes last but a moment, and that I shouldn't worry about it, because He will provide what is best for me.

I've also been reading a book called "Passion and Purity" by Elisabeth Elliot and it has been speaking to me about my relationship with Wenzheng, in particular about the guidelines that we maintain. I had been toying with the idea of adjusting the guidelines, but I think that it's best that they should stay the way they are. Not kissing does make us fodder for gossip, criticism and well-meant advice, and it does involve putting aside our own desires, but I'm glad that we can offer to God something that did not cost us nothing. It also helped to remind me that we're doing this not for ourselves or each other, but for God.

Apart from that, I also went to Malaysia for go-karting with Wenzheng's family, which was fun, if a bit expensive.

What's Been Up and What's Going Down.

2005-07-11T13:53:00.000+08:00

haha! that's me as the grandma in Anything Goes... Stare hard enough and you can even see my fake beauty mole. It was a really good experience working with people for the production, and we've been getting very positive reviews... I think the shows improved with each performance, and by the time we hit the last show, we were on a exuberant, and yet always consciously bittersweet, high. I've not really experienced much of the hyped about post production blues... I'm just happy to have free time again! :)

Will be trying to get a part time job tomorrow, hopefully in sales. I realise that I actually can be quite PC when I want to, it's a functional politeness that I have.... hopefully that can extend to all the time.

Ambition and Occupation

2005-06-05T19:06:00.000+08:00

Isn't occupation such an apt word to describe a job?

Think a moment, has doing something ever truly, utterly thrilled you? Has your heart ever leapt up and tingled, from seeing some part of who you are in what you do? It's a comfortable click into position, finding some sort of "kindred activity" that you know you love? Is this feeling something that everyone else experiences too? If yes, and if no, shouldn't you follow your heart and leap up and pursue it relentlessly? Wouldn't it be nice (best?) to do that very thing everyday, to be occupied so to speak, by something you thoroughly enjoy?

I've been thinking about what I want to do when I grow up... and so far it's just thoughts, but I'll by thinking, praying and hopefully, I'll find my way through this mess of practicality and wistfulness.

an old love that i hope to rekindle.

2005-06-01T22:40:00.000+08:00

i realise that i really enjoy making cards and i miss it! i think the times in sec sch, when writing notes was a necessity in order to communicate and to get through some (physics) lessons, helped me to milk my creative juices for all their worth. i'm not the most artistic person around, but i enjoy this process of creating something out of nothing. definitely definitely an activity that i should invest time, money and effort into again. everybody, watch out for something in your mailboxes, sooner or later! for these reasons, i love paper and typography. i used to spend hours on end surfing the net for new fonts... and making fancy schmancy notes with them. (incidentally, after watching eye for a guy 2, i'm excited about going to the Singapore Tyler Print Institute sometime really soon!)

super psyched about picking this up again! yeah!

hang in there...

2005-05-31T21:10:00.000+08:00

will be posting soon soon soon!

hit the ground running

2005-04-24T23:52:00.000+08:00

Phew. School has been pretty non-stop since exams were over... with Ambassadors recruitment, rehearsals and the Ambassadors retreat coming up. Must thank God for seeing me through this time, with the recruitment and retreat... cos the Secretariat is in charge of both events and I am in charge of the Secretariat... I think i've answered and written literally hundreds of emails for both events and was really quite worried at first about how it would all pan out. Thank God that it was ok...

there's good news regarding the musical too! i was initially just one of the back up people but have been given a promotion to the mother of the lead singer.. really hope this turns out ok too because it's really quite late notice for me to play this character... must muster up and bring all my maternal instincts to the fore! :) they're there, somewhere.

casiNO

2005-04-24T23:35:00.000+08:00

it's going to be a week since the govt announced its casino decision... was reading in the newspapers the other day about how many of the ministers didn't bring their own personal beliefs - religious and otherwise - into the parliament discussions... i'm not arguing for ministers to bring their religion into politics... but i do have an issue with how their personal values and principles were left at the door. even MM Lee is "emotionally and intellectually" opposed to gambling, but is willing to decide in favour of the casino.

while many of these values and principles may be influenced by their religious beliefs, as representatives and leaders of the country, i think it important that the people governing be led by values and principles, instead of just choosing what makes the most economic sense. i personally think that the economic benefits do not justify the social costs, at all. even nominally speaking, it just doesn't make sense to me to say that the casino will only affect 2% of the population, or 55,000 people but will supposedly create 35,000 jobs. Hello! that's a 20,000 difference!

looking at the casino logically, it doesn't even seem to make economic sense! even with just 1 casino, it would require local patronage in order to stay afloat, but what more with 2! we have a limited domestic market, tourism into the country isn't exactly booming and the added attractions like world class restaurants, shops and convention centres aren't exactly crowd pullers any different from the malls that line orchard road or suntec. the theme park, if there is one, shows a glimmer of hope but we'd be directly competing with Hong Kong Disneyland which has access to the Chinese market and is but a stone's throw from the gambling haven of Macau.

now that the decision has been made, i'm praying that God will frustrate the plans of the government and that we won't have to compromise on values just to woo tourists. there are other ways to reinvent our country and get to a first class status, besides selling out like this.

Who Am I? by Casting Crowns

2005-04-13T22:21:00.000+08:00

Who am I?

That the Lord of all the earth,

Would care to know my name,

Would care to feel my hurt,

Who am I?

That the Bright and Morning Star,

Would choose to light the way,

For my ever wandering heart.

Not because of who I am,

But because of what You've done,

Not because of what I've done,

But because of who You are.

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow,

A wave tossed in the ocean,

A vapor in the wind,

Still You hear me when I'm calling,

Lord, You catch me when I'm falling,

And You've told me who I am..

I am Yours.

Who am I?

That the eyes that see my sin,

Would look on me with love,

and watch me rise again,

Who am I?

That the voice that calmed the sea,

Would call out through the rain,

And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am,

But because of what You've done,

Not because of what I've done,

But because of who You are.

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow,

A wave tossed in the ocean,

A vapor in the wind,

Still You hear me when I'm calling,

Lord, You catch me when I'm falling,

And You've told me who I am...

I am Yours, I am Yours.

make me more like You

2005-04-13T20:08:00.000+08:00

I could be so much worse
but then,
I could be so much better
and do so much more.

Love

2005-04-08T17:10:00.000+08:00

I'm beginning to think that the quality of love increases in the following order... Romantic, Parental, God's love. I think that romance is conditional to a great extent. If the guy irritates you to no end by forgetting to put the toilet seat down, these little niggly things can wear you down until one day, you find that when you look at him, there's nothing but a toilet seat that consumes you. Haha. Ok, fine, maybe that's a bit of a stretch, but yeah... Couples say they love each other, but a single trespass or recurrent faults can easily take that love (or is it feeling of love?) away.

Parents are more unconditional in their love. No matter how many times you do something wrong, they continue loving. it's a love that is bigger than who you are, what you do and it comes simply just because you are their child.

But parents are human as well and can, and do, deviate from this ideal. And that's why God's love for us as God, as Father, as Friend supercedes any love that humans can provide. It truly is no strings attached. He loves us even though we don't even love Him back, and continues loving us, no matter how much wrong we do. And I think that it's so nice to know that all He requests of us is just to recognise His love and what He's done for us, and live in recognition of that fact, for Him to throw open the floodgates of Heaven and pour out so much blessings that we do not have room enough for it. Taste, and see that the Lord is good.

ergh!

2005-04-06T23:31:00.000+08:00

it must be hard bringing up kids. not only do you have to teach them to be principled, godly, obedient, kind, compassionate, truthful, helpful, loving, patient, good, generous etc etc etc... you also have to teach them to be polite.

smell some roses today.

2005-04-03T18:55:00.000+08:00

too often days go by sitting at a desk,
an endless preoccupation with what seems necessary
without looking up and around
to enjoy the things you have, like people you care for,
gorgeous skies and the sound of rain

why work so hard for a possibility of things to come

when there's so much to be had right now?

Reminiscing

2005-03-30T21:25:00.000+08:00

I was just thinking today about schools. They've definitely been an integral part of my life so far... and they've had their hand in moulding me to be the person I am. Can't imagine what I'd be like if I had gone to MGS, as was actually planned in K2. Ooh scary. Haha. But yeah, I was thinking about which school I liked best, out of the 3 I've been to. And I guess that they all have a soft spot in my heart, though each school is so distinct from the next. They mean a lot to me, though all for different reasons.

SCGS was a lovely place to grow up... Haha, though I had my apprehensions about starting school. I cried when I heard I was going to Singapore CHINESE Girls' School cos I thought we'd only speak chinese all day. Haha. My relationship with the Chinese language has always been tumultuous. I remember the old school, it's delapitated and yet so cosy campus... the yellow rubbish disposal bin that was supposed to be haunted, playing catching in the school field and stepping in cat shit... playing this telephone game where you were supposed to dial on the girl's tummy and try to make her laugh... the places where I had all my cuts and scrapes (and I had many... whiteboard falling on my head, kena tripped and kena stitches, playing hopscotch and swallowing my tooth, the list goes on. I am a klutz)... Then later in secondary school, wanting to be cool and funky, acting in the sec2 and someone dropping the trophy (who ah who), eating sweets in class (sorry jo), lying about going to the doctor then kena detention, it goes on and on... What I'm trying to say is that SC was so special because of the people. And the people stay special to me. =) I know I'm sweet.

RJ was totally different! I remember the first impression I got of the competitive nature of the school was in the PE class when people were actually running! and fast! no horsing around at all! eep! I think I would have been seriously depressed in the school if not for council. I felt like I belonged in school, that I was making a serious contribution to something bigger than myself. Council put me together with people that I otherwise would never have known... The experience really defined my time in JC... but yeah, i remember some other things... like cheese toast, peach juice, 30cents lemon tea and yummy nasi lemak. heh

SMU is yet again totally different... people are older, more serious and i'm different too... i don't crack as many jokes, don't horse around as much... I can't really say that I've made one very good friend in SMU as yet... but yeah, SMU has its own charm... I really enjoy classes... which isn't something I could say before... Yeah I may tire of projects, presentations and class participation... but I wouldn't have it any way else.

I hesitate from cheering at the thought of working... because I know that it'll be a whole different ballgame.. that even as I look back on my time and interactions with people growing up, the people I meet are different, they're a little colder, a little more calculative... and I sometimes feel myself changing as a result too. I don't think that I'll find people at work ready to laugh over silly things like feeling discharge (ew), to make stupid 3 people cheers, to confide in, to care. how?

you find love in the most unexpected places

2005-03-29T14:28:00.000+08:00

you find love in the most unexpected places
Originally uploaded by entrospeck.

even in a management accounting file.

Overwhelmed by Love.

2005-03-27T23:13:00.000+08:00

It was a particularly lovely Good Friday-Easter weekend. I guess the experience started on Thursday, with a dance performance that showed God's provision. I was thinking that wouldn't it be nice to be able to serve God with your talents. The guy who cheorographed the dance is a lawyer, so i'm sure he must have been stretched. I'm thankful for my cell friends, and was touched at how genuinely they said they missed me.

Went for service on Saturday, and well, it put my earlier sentiments about social ineptitude and all that into perspective. I realised that my significance shouldn't be found in the number of friends I have or the company I keep, or how "cool" "in" or "hip" I am... but I should be secure in my knowledge that I matter to the One who matters. Worship was especially touching, where I was reminded of what Jesus did for everyone one, did for me on the Cross. I'm not deserving of salvation, and yet, by His grace and mercy, I stand to receive His love and forgiveness. I was just so overwhelmed by His love that I couldn't help but cry. And even as we remember that He died, we celebrate that He came to life again, and that's the source of our salvation. It was a wonderful weekend. And everytime I have an experience with God, there's always so much that I aspire to do, so much that I aspire to be. and I don't want to fall short, and yet I know I will. I really want to love Him with all that I am, and I pray that He'll help me to do just that.

a lovely, beautiful psalm that I heard again just the other day...

Psalm 30

¹ I will exalt you, O LORD ,

for you lifted me out of the depths

and did not let my enemies gloat over me.

² O LORD my God, I called to you for help

and you healed me.

³ O LORD , you brought me up from the grave ^[b] ;

you spared me from going down into the pit.

⁴ Sing to the LORD , you saints of his;

praise his holy name.

⁵ For his anger lasts only a moment,

but his favor lasts a lifetime;

weeping may remain for a night,

but rejoicing comes in the morning.

⁶ When I felt secure, I said,

"I will never be shaken."

⁷ O LORD , when you favored me,

you made my mountain ^[c] stand firm;

but when you hid your face,

I was dismayed.

⁸ To you, O LORD , I called;

to the Lord I cried for mercy:

⁹ "What gain is there in my destruction, ^[d]

in my going down into the pit?

Will the dust praise you?

Will it proclaim your faithfulness?

¹⁰ Hear, O LORD , and be merciful to me;

O LORD , be my help."

¹¹ You turned my wailing into dancing;

you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,

¹² that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.

O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.

the art of eavesdropping

2005-03-27T11:11:00.000+08:00

Fat black woman: Hey, watch where you're going! Say "excuse me" instead of bumping into me like that. Don't you know how to speak English?
Japanese girl: You need a diet!

more at Overheard in New York

2005-03-26T17:17:00.000+08:00

are you like me that when you go on msn you scroll over everyone's names and read their nicks?

social inept-itude.

2005-03-26T17:01:00.000+08:00

i think there's something wrong with me. i dunno leh, i look at my friends and they seem to you know, go out with their friends more. am i investing enough time in the relationships i have? i haven't gone out with friends in the past month that's for sure, with the exception of wenzheng. i can put it down to a busy schedule but that's no excuse. maybe i'm not putting in enough effort. it's just that it won't suddenly occur to me to like organise something or give them a call or whatever... what's worrisome also is that i don't really have many close friends from school? it's like i see them for classes, do projects but that's it, there's no real involvement in each other's lives. i don't know what's up with them in their personal lives. i guess the closest friend i have is ailin and yet, it's a different level than what i experience with say, the sistas or even the boys from council. i don't know how that kind of familiarity can be cultivated. maybe it can't, it's the product of time spent and growing trust. but wouldn't it be sad to look back on uni and not have any bunch of friends to really associate with that time? i've also been thinking about how people's initial impression of me, especially when we meet in a large organisation like council or ambassadors is that i'm dao and aloof. it's not that i'm not friendly, i can be when i meet people one to one but in a large group it's hard to open up and open myself up to being laughed at or whatever. is there something wrong with me, seriously. i really don't know man. i guess the best that i can do right now would be to make the effort for friends that do mean something to me, starting now.

2005-03-25T10:20:00.000+08:00

you know how people often say that they want to make their life count?
how would you know what counts for something unless you know who's assessing it at the end?

rethinking my cup of tea

2005-03-23T22:43:00.000+08:00

i'm a little worried that i won't be able to find someone that i won't mind spending the rest of my life with. actually, it should be more than a don't mind thing... but really, the rest of your life is a long time and it really isn't easy to envision never getting bored with the person or not going crazy with all their irritating idiosyncracies. marriage is so so hard i think.

the most fun you can have for 25cents

2005-03-23T17:50:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you just have to remind yourself how nice it is to be able to satisfy a craving, even when it comes at expense. The choice this time was between an ice-cream cone and catching an earlier bus home. Cold creamy goodness won out today.

As I walked to the bus stop, savouring each lick before the swirls melted away, I saw the 855 roll past and I thought "I could be on that bus, but then I wouldn't have my ice-cream cone" and I didn't mind at all.

oh! the perils of the library!

2005-03-17T14:15:00.000+08:00

people who talk non-stop complaining about their team members and talk on the phone!
people who pull the plug on your laptop while you are editing a report! (sorry no cure)
people with BO, and for the lack of space, you can't run away!

the one saving grace is my eye candy guy is sitting facing me! haha.

whee!

2005-03-17T11:07:00.000+08:00

the car is coming at the end of the month!

check it out here!

thankful again, and always.

2005-03-15T18:03:00.000+08:00

Auntie Em went for a minor operation last week and she has been recovering well. Thank God for answering all our prayers, that she will not experience too much pain, that the doctors would know what to do, that she will have a speedy recovery. She's on a month MC so I also pray that with all the extra time we'll spend together, that we'll get along peacefully! haha. I can't make her laugh too much now also, cos it hurts to laugh or sneeze. she laughed when i suggested that she take walks around the neighbourhood to aid recovery, but changed my mind cos she'd be guilty of road hogging.

The house is full of flowers and bird's nest and ginseng and chicken essence from all her well wishers. =) So thank God for friends.

It's stressful worrying about someone who means a lot to you, and all you can do is pray. So thank God that He is faithful and always in control.

2005-03-12T11:39:00.000+08:00

it sneaks up on you, that feeling. routine clouds, familiarity takes for granted, when suddenly, without sign or warning, realisation dawns upon you clear and strong, that person matters. And then, for that moment, you can't imagine how different life would be without them. and that difference makes all the difference.

student council of discipline

2005-03-10T10:02:00.000+08:00

their posters provided the funniest things i've read all day:

stolen boyfriends are recoverable, stolen handphones are not.

the difference between thieves and you: they have your laptop.

haha.

mellowed

2005-03-03T12:17:00.001+08:00

when i was younger, i always thought that it was cool to be rebellious, to take risks.. and i guess i subscribed to the notions that you should Be True to Your Heart, Live For the Moment, after all You're Only Young Once. there's nothing wrong with all of that, but i think my ideal for myself as a person was to be someone who's risk-taking, bold, who lived an exciting and gossip-worthy life... and growing up since, i've definitely mellowed... i'm more cautious in the things that I do, from loving to driving, I'm careful with how I spend my time and try to get my priorities right...

One particular memory really proves this point... Auntie Em drives really cautiously, and she won't overtake cars just because they are a little slow... and I used to think to myself, "when i can drive, i will definitely go faster than her!! she's crawling lah!" and now, when i can drive, i drive as fast as she does, or slower even. haha. seeing how careful she and Auntie Anne are has raised my expectations of what is considered safe driving. (which makes me a little terrified (ok very terrified) when i sit in some of my friends' cars. speeding really makes me very upset..)

the thing is that my expectations of my ideals haven't caught up with the changes in who I am... sometimes i do think that it would be nice to do things without thinking about consequences, but then I remember that precisely because we only have one life to live, we should live responsibly because eventually we're all held accountable for what we do with the time we're given. Having one life to live isn't so much a mandate to go out there and live as recklessly as possible, but rather a reminder to make the most of each day, to do things that are worthwhile and that we can be proud of. it's hard to live up to that, but with some help from Him and reminders from people along the way, I guess i try as hard as i can.

flowers for no reason

2005-03-01T22:58:00.000+08:00

peek-a-boo
Originally uploaded by entrospeck.

are the best flowers of all. =)

i'm getting downright spoilt.

anyway... i was thinking of a title for this photo... something along the lines of "peek a boo! i can see your reproductive organs!!" haha. err. yah.

Trashy Romance Novels Redone

2005-02-28T19:01:00.000+08:00

ahh... the trashy romance novel... complete with half-naked man with rippling, hulk-esque muscles in passionate embrace with fair-haired maiden with dress strategically falling off chest and shoulders...

check out a parody here... hee hee. go see now!

melancholic moonshine

2005-02-28T12:56:00.000+08:00

melancholic moonshine
Originally uploaded by entrospeck.

was walking home through the botanics and just had to stop to capture the view... would have missed it entirely if i hadn't looked up from my feet and plodded home, looking like the turtle i do.

it's a little grainy cos of the high "film" speed and i meddled with it using PS. but anyway...

happy birthday jia!

presents for no reason

2005-02-27T15:47:00.000+08:00

are the nicest presents of all. =)

blogs are like snowflakes

2005-02-24T21:24:00.000+08:00

no two are alike.

there's the inspiring, the romantic, the thoughtful, the laugh-out-loud-funny, the religious, the gossipy, the photo-ful...

and you just have to smile when you think about how everyone really is so different, and sometimes, in the end, so alike.

kit kat or kisses?

2005-02-24T10:08:00.000+08:00

What would you wear for camouflage if you were hiding in a gingerbread house?

don't scoff at the question, just take a moment and think about it. it's really not that easy a choice... firstly, there's the question of what would give you sufficient coverage? imagine if you opted for hershey's kisses! maybe dipping yourself in chocolate (and throwing you to the lesbians, eh mel) would cover you sufficiently, but then, you'd leave big footprints of chocolate syrup all over the house. I guess another question would be, where is the house situated? in singapore or overseas? in singapore, the weather is sweltering so you need to choose something tough like rock candy that won't melt away... in LA, however, there are storms and bad weather, so you can't choose cookies cos they'd erode. you also can't choose something too yummy, cos you may just eat it all up. and what happens if ants come?! dilemma dilemma.

more than friends and friends

2005-02-22T13:11:00.000+08:00

met michele, my cell leader from church with wenzheng... as part of accountability, which is basically a couple meeting up with a more mature couple to receive guidance and counsel. yesterday was our first meeting and she encouraged both of us to think about our vision for our life and our passions... i guess it's an important consideration, that if there are some things that I'd like to accomplish, it's necessary that the person that i marry want to head in the same direction...

something else that she suggested was to approach our relationship, and any dating relationship with the perspective and intention to want to work towards marriage... i can see how that would make things different. if you're always thinking long term, minor transgressions won't seem so important, and it makes you consider changing to accommodate the other person more. changing who you are, especially your weaknesses, isn't a bad thing anyway right. and with this perspective, she also suggested that we consider how to help the other person to grow, as a person, emotionally and spiritually...

it was a good session, and I thank God that He has provided people like Michele to provide godly counsel, especially when we're in a world where dating practices are really different from what we normally do or should do...

anyway, on a different note, it was nice meeting up with kezheng and sara at kez's party... it's nice to know that despite the time since we've last met up or spoken, the familiarity between old friends still exists and it is such a pleasant, comfortable feeling.

an ode to sushi - a haiku

2005-02-22T10:10:00.000+08:00

shock of wasabi

spread my lips for cool salmon -

sushi satisfies

tt's the way the cookie crumbles.

2005-02-17T18:25:00.000+08:00

just 2 days after submitting my application, i just received news that i wasn't selected to go for exchange to Wharton. can't say that i'm totally not disappointed, but well, it's ok lah. didn't really think i'd hold up compared to other people who may be better qualified... and i can still go exchange elsewhere... like ubc..

i guess the thing i had an issue with was the way the email was phrased... "because of X, Y and Z, we have no choice but to tell you the bad news..." & "Frankly speaking Alexandra, you’re really just as good as the selected nominees to Wharton. Only missed them a tiny little bit in terms of GPA, CCA, references & you're more junior than the nominees." how does that make any sense... a tiny bit in so many areas? also.. i thought that OIR would at least give people a chance at an interview.. i'm not sure, maybe i just got culled at the first stage of selections.

in a way, maybe not going for exchange this year would be better, i can celebrate birthday at home, do my reading programme thing and spend time with wenzheng during his first term in uni. ho hum.

HOTA

2005-02-16T22:13:00.000+08:00

i've been researching for my ethics project paper which is about the Human Organ Transplant Act. Only just found out that Singapore operates under an opt-out scheme, in which you are presumed to agree for your organs to be harvested and are only excluded if you file paperwork while alive to opt out.

I personally wouldn't mind donating my organs, i mean if someone can get benefit and enjoy life more because of my death, why not. but the thing that i have an issue with is the presumed agreement... shouldn't people have the right to make an informed choice? i see presumed agreement as choosing for the person, because if you think about it, without HOTA, if someone asks you "would you like to donate your organs?" you can choose to say yes or no. if no one asked, you still get to keep your organs... with the lack of information about the Act, isn't that tantamount to no one asking for your permission? not sure if i'm making too much sense.

in addition, your family members have absolutely no say in the matter whatsoever. this problem is exacerbated by the lack of educaton and information that the government provides about such measures. yes, they may have announced its implementation when it first started, but what about subsequent generations of people? shouldn't they be made aware of what happens to their organs after they die?

by the way, hei, the dark chocolate ice cream from awfully chocolate is nice.

woo hoo!

2005-02-15T20:34:00.000+08:00

my ticket to fame and fortune!

i think this counts as part of my 15 minutes of fame.

what a de-lovely evening..

2005-02-15T16:32:00.000+08:00

Had the privilege to spend Valentine's Day with a wonderful guy. No prizes for guessing who.

We watched De-Lovely at home first cos dinner reservation was for late... i presented him with my present; a homemade bouquet of ferrero rocher chocolates, just like in the ad. I also gave him a 'card' which featured some photography of mine... we then cabbed down to newton and he took me to Maison de Fontaine, a french restaurant.. It was my first time eating french cuisine and I really enjoyed it... was too too full after we had finished...

the restaurant is in a colonial house which really makes it feel like you're being entertained in a home instead of any other culinary establishment. While waiting for our table, we were seated on sofas and served with champagne, which was nice. Most of the other couples that i surreptitiously noticed in the dim light were in their 20s or 30s, with the exception of this couple who looked J1. The guy obviously didn't tell the girl where they'd be going so she was dressed in jeans and t-shirt.

Anyway, onto the food. First, there was a starter of pumpkin soup with caviar on top that was served in a shot glass... was a bit confused about how to drink it, but we managed... I saw other couples using their forks. Next was a salad with blueberries, grapes and duck. It was really tasty and I enjoyed this course the most because the savoury dressing and flavour was really unusual for a salad. i was fully expecting a vinagrette type of dressing.

This was followed by very fresh prawns in a creamy cauliflower sauce with veggies in it. Also very tasty and very nice. For main course, he had the veal tenderloin with sauteed mushrooms and this little piece of 23K gold foil, which tasted like nothing anticlimatically. Our forks had an exchange programme and his veal was very tasty and hearty. I had salmon with baby clams and veggies which was nice too cos they succeeded in making the salmon skin really crisp.

The meal rounded off with a dessert of thick chocolate mousse with brandied cherries served in a wanton like skin... it was nice too...

the meal, unfortunately, cost a bomb... so i resolve that for our anniversary i'll be the one planning and paying... and somehow i neglected to take photos... the evening ended on a sweet note with a valentine's day from him which made me cry. haha.

hope everyone had a great time celebrating too... i know treating people nicely should be a daily affair, but it was nice to make a special effort once in a while...

hmm...

2005-02-13T17:59:00.000+08:00

it's my opinion that you should date people who you would possibly like to marry, but how far ahead into the future should you be making plans?

on a similar vein, michele, my cell leader, was just mentioning how conventional wisdom tells us that you should only get married when you're financially stable, when you've got your career started... but, if you believe that God will provide, and if you've already found the right person, why wait?

something to chew on...

don't you think it's true?

2005-02-12T21:21:00.000+08:00

that it's not all the things that are done that matter, but what goes on in your thoughts and heart... like for valentine's day or how going to church can be a ritual... reminded of this verse "man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart"...

dong dong dong qiang!

2005-02-10T21:48:00.000+08:00

the road ahead
Originally uploaded by entrospeck.

non-stop eating, reunion dinner (and reunion leftovers), mandarin oranges, small talk, post-lunch nap, ang paos, chinese tops, gua ji cracker, chrysanthemums & pussy willows, doggies, phototaking, abysmal heat, more small talk, wedding photos, squeezy cars... ah. the joys of cny. heh.

Valentine by Carol Ann Duffy

2005-02-08T18:15:00.000+08:00

Not a red rose or a satin heart.

I give you an onion.
It is a moon wrapped in brown paper.
It promises light
like the careful undressing of love.

Here.
It will blind you with tears
like a lover.
It will make your reflection
a wobbling photo of grief.

I am trying to be truthful.

Not a cute card or kissogram.

I give you an onion.
Its fierce kiss will stay on your lips,
possessive and faithful
as we are,
for as long as we are.

Take it.
Its platinum loops shrink to a wedding ring,
if you like.
Lethal.
Its scent will cling to your fingers,
cling to your knife.

-- Carol Ann Duffy

funny valentine

2005-02-07T21:38:00.000+08:00

the internet is a strange place.. unconvential (to put it mildly) vday cards here... not the kind you send to your grandma... but then again, who sends vday cards to their grandmas?

i'm playing a girl called chorus

2005-02-07T18:53:00.000+08:00

haha.. casting results for anything goes, the musical, are out... and i'm playing a girl called chorus. well, not really. it's more like i'm in a group that's playing the chorus... but well, it's paiseh to invite people when my 'character' doesn't even have a name so well... we make do.

i'm not disappointed in the least, auditions went appropriately badly and i shudder at the recollection. some moments in life just shouldn't be replayed in your head... auditions for one, and a personal favorite of mine is wakeboarding... oh that was nasty. it's funny how i probably wouldn't reply moments of illustrious glory in my head, but times of deject embarassment are first in the list of reruns in the tv programme that is my train of thought. ho hum.

anyway, thank God that today the biz law presentation went well... (though i was up at 0530!) i wasn't nervous at all, unlike on saturday at the NS men early matriculation. i was feeling the jitters in a big way, and had to whisper a prayer to steady myself before beginning. i guess it really depends on what's riding on your speech... at the saturday affair, i could contribute to someone's decision to stay or transfer to NUS.. but today, what i said was inconsequential since no one was paying attention anyway. ha.

taking shuying's advice, tonight will be an early night... so that i can grow and be taller than jia... she's scheduled to stop growing in 21 days! yes!!

O God! Please Help!

2005-02-06T21:49:00.000+08:00

i'm a little weighed down at the prospect of an incredibly long day tomorrow starting with me in school at 0630. the choice between 2 evils.. coming back on a sunday and arriving at the unearthly hour of 0630. I must thank God because usually when i think about things that lie ahead (like this term there's 4 exam papers, stageit musical, stageit actor's dept production, ambassadorial stuffie-doo-dah) i get quite depressed and stressed out. but this time, i'm not...

i think the day isn't the real problem... it's more of the fact that as the secretary of Ambassadors... i have to compile the attendance for the events we're slated to attend... and there are quite a few. the thing is that many people don't reply on time. to them it may be just one email, but multiply that by a few people and multiply again by many events and you get a lot. it just irritates me and i'm trying hard to be understanding but it's really hard not to see why they can't all cooperate... wenzheng also says that the situation probably won't change... which is true. i guess what i can do is control how i react to the situation.... God, please help me to be patient! and while i'm making requests, there's always the problem about my tongue and getting my priorities right. thanks for listening and answering.

thankful

2005-02-05T10:05:00.000+08:00

i'm thankful for...
* having a new day everyday and knowing that God's mercies are new every morning too
* His favour among the people that I work with and learn from
* His provision to see me through all the times that I feel stressed about juggling stuff
* the people in my life, auntie em, wenzheng, friends... and also that wenzheng returned home safely!

where your feet will take me...

2005-02-03T16:48:00.000+08:00

fun in the sun
Originally uploaded by entrospeck.

publicity emails and foot fetish freaks.... what next, shu, what next?

i don't wanna grow up, i wanna be a toys r us kid.

2005-02-03T16:01:00.000+08:00

21 has always seemed to me to be the definitive "adult" age... auntie em would always say (in a fit of anger) "when you're 21, you can do anything you want and i won't care about you!" and i thought, in my days of youth and folly, wah, how nice it would be to be 21 and make all the decisions and call all the shots. yeah man, and i'd be my own boss.

and now, here i am, 2 months into my 21st year. and i want to be a teenager again! all those wasted days of trying to be older than i was, doing the oh-so-adult and oh-so-disobedient things... it's just funny how you want to grow up when you're a kid, and when you're actually almost grown up, you want nothing more than to be a kid again.

actually, finding neverland added a little to this feeling of i-don't-want-to-grow-old-ness. it's a great show by the way. i do want to be mature about things, and yet i want to hold on to the silliness that is part of being me. i think that's what counts, to know when to exercise your maturity, no one's saying that growing up means you have to act like you've got something caught up your ass all the time right. sigh. some of that childlikeness has gone out of me already, i think i'll hold on tight to whatever remains.

i do not associate with riff raff

2005-02-01T19:15:00.000+08:00

riff raff is such a funny word.

it's funny how first impressions can change... i'm in a musical for stageit and i was just thinking about the CooL and FuNkY clique that includes somebody's sister btw. Ha. I met them and immediately thought that the rest of the next half year was doomed to cold exclusivity and quiet conversations with the unCooL and unFuNkY side of the cast. I pictured the twice weekly meetings where we'd say cordial hellos then scuttle to our comfort zones and breathe a collective sigh of relief of having excused ourselves from a potentially painful session of small talk. Things seemed utterly dismal.

and then, one day after rehearsals, somehow i found myself sitting with 2 living breathing members of the CooL and FuNkY clique, having animated conversation for the whole of 3 hours. Could this be?! anyway, the point i'm trying to make is that sometimes, all it takes is for you to suck in your gut and make the first move. People in general aren't as unfriendly as we think. It turned out that one of the CooL and FuNkY guys wanted to say hi in class but thought I looked dao, and i in turn thought that he wouldn't be friendly and talk to a non-CooL person.

chancing upon someone's blog (there's this voyeur in me that keeps surfacing...) has given this blog a new lease of life... sudden inspiration to write more... and not only that, to actually tell people about the existence of my little cranny in the world wide web.

thinking

2004-12-15T17:27:00.000+08:00

ever wonder why is it that flavoured condoms are available in Singapore when oral sex is not allowed?

oblivion?

2004-11-30T15:54:00.000+08:00

oblivion?
Originally uploaded by entrospeck.

hee hee.. i was out with him at the new improved tangs and we strolled by the lingerie dept and couldn't resist taking this photo... of a mannequin provocatively strewn across the couch with an old uncle sitting there as if there's absolutely nothing strange going on with his neighbour. sex sells?

happy happy

2004-11-26T13:38:00.000+08:00

ikea colours
Originally uploaded by entrospeck.

exams are over! i'm free!

i've started on an ambitious plan to exercise everyday and to redo my room and to read read read. I just spent the whole day yesterday and this morning clearing out the junk i've accumulated over the past 7 years... it's funny how some things mean so much to you at one point and a few years down the road there's absolutely no hesitation in throwing them away. I'm not one for forgetting memories but well, i realise that you move on from that point, and you're glad you experienced it but keeping some things won't bring that time back. I guess the feeling is further emphasised after my trip back to rj with him and going back into the council room brings back memories, but also makes you realise that you don't belong there anymore. There was a time when you did, but it's since passed. and throwing stuff away, it's a symbolic gesture to show you're moving on... and it's a liberating process.

Anyway, clearing your room leaves more space for shopping. oh yeahhh.

red, green + white

2004-11-23T19:08:00.000+08:00

rust & decay
Originally uploaded by entrospeck.

gee, i couldn't tell with all the carols over the airwaves and the bright lights of orchard road but CHRISTMAS IS COMING! HALLELUJAH! (and i really mean hallelujah as hallelujah. haha)

losing a spark

2004-11-23T18:46:00.000+08:00

i've a friend, and i've always known him to be an idealist. he had a lofty, admirable ideal to make a difference in people's lives, to help them be better, more united, more passionate about what they do. and he really could do all that. so many people i know were inspired by his passion, including myself.

but yesterday, i came to a realisation that he's different and that his priorities and goals in life aren't the same. it's not that they can't or shouldn't change, but my idea of him had always been defined by his idealism. i guess that's the sad reality of growing up, you become aware that the world isn't the warm, perfect place you always thought it was. there's bills to pay, mouths to feed, houses to buy, retirement to think about. i think he's realised that too. i was just a little sad that the headstrong, wide-eyed innocence about him is gone, and in it's place is a calculated, no-nonsense sensibility.

is there a place for both idealism and pragmatism to co-exist? i guess a possible answer would be to be aware of the responsibilities that come with adulthood and act accordingly, yet without losing sight that there's more to life than money and stuff... it's hard not to get caught up in the materialism around us, especially when society is as consumer driven as we know it. but that shouldn't stop us from trying, and i hope that he doesn't too.

twinkle

2004-11-22T17:13:00.000+08:00

glam bling
Originally uploaded by entrospeck.

liked the reflection in the window and how everything was so... shiny. haha. That CD Shop. i should be studying! argh!

colours hanging out to dry

2004-11-20T23:28:00.000+08:00

chinatown flats
Originally uploaded by entrospeck.

was out with wen on a photo outing... and at chinatown, in between surreptitiously taking photos of unsuspecting old men, i looked up and snapped away.

i'm really happy to be taking photography more seriously... it's a great thing to be able to capture a moment of beauty and to create something that, if not for your existence and actions, would never be created.

create-a-new-blog time is here again

2004-11-20T22:19:00.000+08:00

i'll admit that my blogs thus far have been shortlived, with sporadic posts at best.

but yes, exams are here yet again, and blogger once more serves as a distraction from studying.

i'd think that the difference this time is that writing will be for myself, to serve as the title suggests, as a means for introspection and to articulate my thoughts. so good luck to me. we'll see how this goes.